


Battlestar Ouran

by dipping_sauce (metabaron)



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Battlestar Galactica Fusion, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-03-30
Updated: 2007-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-06 15:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3139694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metabaron/pseuds/dipping_sauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaeta's shoulders sagged, and he bent over his console, speaking a few words into his headset. After a few more exchanges, he winced visibly and looked over at the Commander. "Sir? The President is on the line."</p>
<p>Smiling, the Commander picked up the phone from the central console. "Bonjour, Kyoya, mon ami!" Tamaki trilled down the line.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Battlestar Ouran

Galactica's CIC was heavy with the smells of stress, coffee and acrid sweat. The recent Cylon attacks had pushed his people to the brink, but the Commander smiled a small, private smile at the way they all seemed to draw themselves up straighter, to stand taller, when he entered the room.

"Mr Gaeta."

Gaeta jumped to his feet, a hand straying to his throat to fasten his opened uniform collar. "Sir?"

"Put me through to Colonial One."

"With all due respect, sir, are you sure that's a good idea? You know how the President--"

The Commander gave Gaeta his best thousand-yard stare, and CIC went silent around them. The Commander raised his chin, and in a tone of voice that brooked no dissent, said, "Do. It."

Gaeta's shoulders sagged, and he bent over his console, speaking a few words into his headset. After a few more exchanges, he winced visibly and looked over at the Commander. "Sir? The President is on the line."

Smiling, the Commander picked up the phone from the central console. "Bonjour, Kyoya, mon ami!" Tamaki trilled down the line.

Around him, the CIC crew tensed. It was said in the fleet that the only thing worse than the Cylons was the President's temper when she was woken too early -- and only a few hours after the Cylon attack was 'too early' by anyone's definition.

The President's shriek could be heard in spite of the vacuum that separated the Galactica from Colonial One. "Do you. Have any. IDEA. What TIME it is?"

Tamaki shook his head. "No, Kyoya. My watch broke in the last attack. Remember, I told you?"

Kyoya gritted her teeth. "I don't CARE. Do you have a reason why you've interrupted my precious, valuable sleep, you brainless little gnat?"

"... I forget."

"Tamaki," Kyoya snarled.

"Oh! That's right!" Tamaki beamed. "We found a Cylon!"

The President was suddenly all business, all sleeplessness gone from her voice. "What model? No. Don't tell me, I want to see for myself. I'm coming over to Galactica immediately."

* * *

The Cylon stared at them from behind the reinforced plexiglas wall. She smiled like a queen visiting a sick child. "Good day, Madam President."

The President ignored that, and slowly swept her gaze, from the first Cylon, to the second one in the neighbouring cell. They were identical, with sharp aristocratic faces and mirrored falls of auburn hair. The one on the right had on a few strategically placed pieces of black vinyl held together by narrow straps, and the other wore what a Chanel suit would look like if it had grown up in a whore house.

The guards had taken to calling then, respectively, Kaoru-6 and Hikaru-6, after the aliases they had gone by before their Cylon identities had been revealed.

"You shouldn't bother trying to wring information out of us," Kaoru-6 said.

"... We aren't going to tell you anything," Hikaru-6 finished.

Kyoya pushed her glasses up her nose. "Well, if that's the case, then I don't see any good reason why we're bothering to hold them at all."

The Cylons looked identically smug.

Tamaki rolled his eyes. "Then what do you suggest we do with them, Madam President?"

The President bared her teeth like a shark. "We throw them out an airlock!"

The Cylons blanched and said "eeep" in unison.

* * *

The Commander's voice crackled over the wireless and echoed oddly in the confines of her cockpit. "Oh, Starbuck, my beloved daughter, this is your father!"

Haruhi snorted. "Yes, sir?"

"Your dear daddy thinks you're doing such a good job keeping an eye out for the Cylons Lt. Hunny warned us about!"

"I-- Thank you, sir."

"Your daddy loves you very much!"

Haruhi squirmed in her seat. "Um."

"Thanks to you, our ships have survived yet another day of this tremendous peril--"

"Sir, we haven't seen any Cylons yet--"

"Your doing, no doubt!"

Haruhi ground her teeth. Oh, she was going to get a ribbing for this on the decks when she landed on Galactica. He was probably broadcasting this on broad-spectrum with no care that everyone could hear--

She saw a flash out of the corner of her eye. Three more Cylon ships flashed out of FTL as she watched and fired warning shots that were close enough to broil the paint on her Viper.

"Incoming!" she screamed over the wireless as another blast hit her wing and threw off the gyro-stabilisers--

* * *

Haruhi jerked awake as her father bounced up and down on the couch. She rubbed at her eyes and looked over to see what had gotten him so excited

Ranka waved a hand in front of his face. "Oh, that Captain Apollo!" he swooned, "he's so dreamy!"

Haruhi smiled fondly before she eyed the half-eaten pickle and cottage cheese pizza between them and the TV. He stomach rumbled ominously. No more of that ever again, she thought. No wonder she'd had such a downright bizarre dream.

**Author's Note:**

> I know it makes no sense, but. One of those ideas so crazy, you just have to write it down.


End file.
